What I got:
Its fingertips rest on her forehead, leaving a thin imprint and the memories emerge. Greedy for her thoughts, for the recall of moments that are the crux of the girl, It noshes and tears through childhood- smiling at the sound of a leg breaking, at the ache of baby teeth loosening- then invading her adolescence- the piercing sting of rejection, of awkwardness, of a body plunging onward with curves and swells into womanhood.
I'm honored that my good friend Krissi Dallas has chosen my little blog for a stop along her Phantom Island Pep Rally. For those of you who don't know, Phantom Island is Krissi's debut novel from Tate Publishing and follows high school senior Whitnee who has spent six years rebuilding her identity after her father’s mysterious disappearance left her with more questions than answers. With her two best friends, Morgan and Caleb, she returns as a mentor to the summer camp of her childhood. Nestled in the Texas hill country, Camp Fusion is everything Whitnee remembers—except for the haunting visions that only she can see. One fateful night, Whitnee and her friends embark on a magical voyage where unexpected adventure and heart-stopping romance collide—a journey that might unlock the dark, complicated mysteries of Whitnee’s family history. But will she find the answers she is looking for?Hi, Tee! Th
anks for letting me visit today and introduce one of my favorite authors (and people), Krissi Dallas. I'm a sophomore in high school and I’ve known Krissi for about five years at church. Countless times she's told me that I'm most definitely her favorite student EVER. (Shhhh.) I've assisted her in VBU (Vacation Bible University) with our new 6th graders several years in a row. She just has a really neat way of connecting with new students – it’s like she gets on their level. She has a sense of humor about most things and I think that is one reason why we all feel comfortable around her. One year in VBU, Krissi was in the middle of an important lesson when one of the other teenage guys accidentally interrupted with a loud fart. You should have seen Krissi’s face! She was so outraged in such a funny way that she made him leave the classroom immediately and march down to the bathroom. I actually remember her yelling after him, "Do NOT desecrate the temple of my classroom with your farts – EVER AGAIN.” She wouldn’t let him come back in until he promised he had “emptied” himself of all gas. It was hilarious and we still laugh about it. Krissi has definitely seen just about everything when it comes to teens. And she just rolls with it.
The Phantom Island books are excellent with imagery – usually from some of Krissi’s own experiences. I’m a high school guy, but my favorite part in the books really is the “exploding kiss.” (You’ll know the part I mean when you get there.) It was intense – and really good at showing the conflicting emotions Whitnee had! But even in the middle of that drama, Whitnee makes me laugh. Like Krissi. I once took the tribal quiz online to see which Phantom Island tribe I'm in and I’m a Geodorian, in the Earth tribe. Not only am I a Geo because I ROCK, but being a Geo means I’m grounded and down-to-earth. Windchaser and Windfall are nothing short of awesome. They make you feel every sort of emotion there is. I was hooked from the very first chapter and I think y'all will be too! But don’t just take my word for it – read what all the other teens said who participated in the Phantom Island Pep Rally. And don’t miss hearing another guy’s perspective on Monday at Tina Moss’s blog!
-Patrick
What I got:
It’s hard enough being a teenager under normal circumstances; imagine being orphaned, sent to live with an unfamiliar aunt—and learning that there really is magic in the world. Following the tragic death of her parents, Eren Donovan moves to Spruce Knoll to live with her aunt. Little does Eren know the entire town of Spruce Knoll is filled with “channelers”—a magical group of people who immigrated to the small Colorado town when they were driven out of their own lands.
There are many constants when you're a writer. Some days you will hate everything you write. Others, you'll think what you've penned is a lyrical masterpiece and you will question why other mere mortals dare write while you are. You will discover the necessary evil and illuminating worth of editing. You will face rejection. And, if you work-really work-at it, you'll improve, grow and ultimately thrive as a writer. These are constants. These are the inevitable little truths that you will encounter at one time or another over the span of your writing career.
You will also, I promise, hear many, many nuggets of advice on writing, on character development, pacing, query letter writing and all those dirty little publishing secrets. Those simply aren't avoidable.
What, I think, is one of the most important bits of advice you'll hear is how to structure your narrative so that you avoid any and all instances of The Clunk. Do you know where those come from, folks? Well, adverbs, of course.
Why are they bad?
Well, to the unskilled, they seem like an easy fix, the clearest and easiest path to lazy writing. These little monsters modify verbs and aren't, on their own, so bad. It's when they enable The Clunk, that you have to watch out.
Charlie Jane Anders, with io9.com explains it far more intelligently than I can with this article. Essentially, Anders echoes my long-held belief in why adverb usage is bad.
They:
Strong verbs = Irregular verbs (generally) that aren't aided by other tense endings (ed, d, t). They demonstrate action. Example: give, gave.
Weak verbs = Regular verbs that cannot form the past tense without the aid of compound endings (ed, d, t). They 'insinuate' action. Example: call, called.
So when you have a weak verb, your sentence structure is passive and the difference is obvious: Weak: She cringed at the horribleness of her long day. Strong: She had a bad day.
A better understanding of why adverbs should be avoided comes from Renni Browne and Dave King’s take on the evils of those ly monsters in Self Editing For Fiction Writers: “Ly adverbs almost always catch the author in the act of explaining dialogue – smuggling emotions into speaker attributions that belong in the dialogue itself. If your dialogue doesn’t need props, putting the props in will make it seem weak even though it isn’t.”
Still not convinced? I’ll give you an example from Noah Lukeman’s The First Five Pages (which includes both poor adverb and adjective usage):
In the bright, shiny sky there appeared two large, massive birds, circling slowly around the young, scared rabbit. It ran quickly, jumping bravely over small, sharp, rocks and trying to make is way desperately to its little hole. The birds dived ferociously and with long, sharp nails grabbed the baby rabbit’s short, white hair and swept him up pridefully into the large, open sky. There flew victoriously back home their wide, black slick wings reflecting the hot, afternoon sun.
And with corrections:
In the bright, shiny sky there appeared two large, massive (large/massive both describe the size of the birds. i.e, redundant) birds, circling slowly (circling implies slow) around the young, scared rabbit.(how do we know the rabbit is young or scared? Because the writer tells us so? No! Bad writing, there. What indicates that the rabbit is young? How does he look? Is he trembling?) It ran quickly, (run generally indicates moving fast) jumping bravely (Lukeman says this is an example of the writer not giving enough credit. Let the reader’s imagination work here, don’t do it for him) over small, sharp) (more redundancy here) rocks and trying to make is way desperately (the rabbit is running, trying to escape predators…of course he’s desperate. ) to its little hole. The birds dived ferociously (is there any other way for a predator to dive? cut) and with long, sharp nails grabbed the baby rabbit’s short, (this would have been better served above, when the writer was describing the age of the rabbit) white hair and swept him up pridefully (technically, that’s not even a word) into the large, (we know the sky is large and open, for that matter but I’ll leave that one in) open sky. They flew victoriously (how does won ‘fly victoriously?) back home with their wide, black slick (pick ONE description here and get rid of The Clunck) wings reflecting the hot, (bright, above, indicated this already) afternoon sun.
Okay, so this is what we have now:
In the bright sky there appeared two large birds, circling around the young rabbit. It ran, jumping over small rocks and tried to make its way to its little hole. The birds dived and with sharp nails, grabbed the baby rabbit’s white hair and swept him up into the open sky. They flew back home with their slick wings reflecting the afternoon sun.
Still not perfect, (the gerund use is ridiculous), but you get the point. The Clunk has disappeared along with the redundant and poorly used adverbs.
Happy writing!
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