Tuesday, July 13, 2010

#teasertuesday

More for the short I'm working on. Let's call this an 'apocalyptic love story' of sorts.



Anissa had no clear memory of rain. Thick clouds of moisture and bolts of white light were mere phantom flashes from her dreams, like the dim recollection of straits and streams time had parched of water and life. She looked down at the dry, cracked surface of the empty creek and a momentary shudder took her as she saw Harding laying facedown and unconscious.

She heard the men behind her as she walked toward his body, but would not watch them. Pitiless cowards, she thought. They left Harding here to die, these men— men he’d once called brothers, men who’d followed the now cataleptic man into a mission no one could survive. He’d been their leader and Anissa thought, perhaps, leaving his thin body in the dry earth was a punishment. Judgment sent for his failures, for theirs at believing victory was at all possible.

Anissa began to brush back the dry hair from his face, but resisted. The comfort and familiarity of their bodies touching had long been lost to her. Time and survival had stolen the ease and frequency in affection and now she found herself frightened, unsure. He seemed so different to her, a foreign shape that held only slight resemblance to the man she loved. But when the closed slit that was Harding’s swollen lids opened to reveal bloodshot eyes and a labored moan released from his throat, Anissa forgot her hesitation, ignored her discomfort and touched him.

His skin felt hot, was rough, blistered and Anissa’s fingers slipped against the sweat and blood on his body, the smell of him like the burnt odor of coal and sulfur. She struggled to roll him into the pushcart and tried to forget how he’d once been, how she could never manage to bear much of his weight those drunken nights, years ago, before the skies dried and the End began its decent. She carried him home with a strength she’d never possessed, perhaps stealing what remained of his own, leeching the remnants of power left from before his mighty fall.


10 comments:

RuthEDay said...

Very intriguing and well-written piece. I find myself really wanting to know how th characters got here and what will happen to them next. Great job!

TS Tate said...

Thanks. I really appreciate the positive feedback!

Danne James said...

I'm interested in the story. Like RuthEDay, I wonder how the characters got where they are and want to know the resolution of their story.

Glen Akin said...

Man, I don't want to start going off and sounding to fan-boyish, but this is really good writing right here. Very intriguing, poetic, and most of all, mysterious. I love, love, love the apocalyptic vibe - something's happened, and I don't know what, but I want to find out. I want to know about the guy lying on the floor, suffering yet breathing, and the female MC. I'm going to stop now lol

Cicely said...

I absolutely love your use of language. The excerpt reads quickly but is filled with wonderful details that bring the images to life in just the right time. I definitely want to know more about the dead man, how he became their "leader," and what the narrator will do next.

TS Tate said...

Wow, guys, y'all are making me blush. Thanks so much for the feedback. @Danne, well, hopefully you and Ruth will get to know what happens once I get this short finished and, hopefully, published.
@Glen...well, I've been fangirled before, but those were just my biased friends. I'm so pleased you liked this one. I was trying to give away the 'hows' a bit at a time in the story so I'm glad you found it mysterious. Thanks! @Cicely, thank you for liking the language. I try to make the language standout with everything I write. Sometimes it comes across, sometimes I just sound like an idiot. Writing is a gamble.

Thanks again everyone!

mythspinner said...

Shiny. I love stories set in the post-apocalypse, and this doesn't dissapoint. Perfect little bit that left me wanting more. Great job!

TS Tate said...

LOL thanks! Glad you found it shiny. :)

madisonwoods said...

I'm finally able to read your excerpt and I'd also love to know more about the events leading up to this scene, too.

My only question is why she's the one putting him in the cart and why the men who were with her weren't helping?

Hope to see some more next week :)

TS Tate said...

@Madison...the men are the ones that dumped him there and she's using the cart bc he's way too large for her to handle on her own. Also, the cart, as will be revealed later, is a necessary tool in most of her day-to-day life.

Thanks for reading!