tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post2339350768192978799..comments2023-10-21T08:03:29.559-05:00Comments on TS Tate: Teaser TuesdayTS Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-37892864286576838562012-11-28T09:39:07.264-06:002012-11-28T09:39:07.264-06:00ugg helelou2
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Of course, I'm biased since I kinda like my first-person approach w/Symbiosis, but the second wip is third person and I'm finding I like it too.<br /><br />The only line that gave me trouble was the pillow of her small chest. Maybe a less-than-fluffy chest, but small chest doesn't imply pillowy to me. <br /><br />Otherwise, besides rephrasing to eliminate some of the 'I's', it sounds like a great story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-62894244523934974572010-07-20T18:55:38.759-05:002010-07-20T18:55:38.759-05:00Thanks, Darren. I do agree with you about the fre...Thanks, Darren. I do agree with you about the frequency of the names. Calen, however, is an odd bird. LOL very odd and old.<br /><br />This book will be completely rewritten, eventually, once I figured how to rid myself of all the vampires. Also, that was only draft one, so I know there are lots and lots of problems. Again, thanks so much for the input. I really do appreciate it.TS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-10316789006187082562010-07-20T15:51:39.611-05:002010-07-20T15:51:39.611-05:00Good sense of setting and character here. I like ...Good sense of setting and character here. I like the descriptions of the replanting after the hurricane. Good way to show your character coming home, seeing the differences.<br />Couple suggestions:<br />1.I'm always a little reluctant to believe characters who know each other very well would use each others' names on the phone (or even just in ordinary conversation), even if they get really heated. Morrigan's name comes up a couple times in the early dialogue, so I would suggest removing one or two of them. That could just be me. I don't go around calling others by name if it's a one-on-one conversation and no one else is listening -he or she knows who I am talking to.<br />2. You describe the grass as "dead, bare" which to me mean the same thing. How bout "dead brown" to contrast with the new grass that you describe as "lush green"? Would be fitting.<br />That's all I can really see right now for suggestions. Thanks for posting this, keep up the good work.Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14673307217123586728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-47508898477336868892010-07-20T11:18:32.004-05:002010-07-20T11:18:32.004-05:00Very nice. Hopefully this will move from "Ne...Very nice. Hopefully this will move from "Never Was" to "The Novel That Will Someday Be". I would read it! :)K.A. Levingstonnoreply@blogger.com