tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post1240478408132675423..comments2023-10-21T08:03:29.559-05:00Comments on TS Tate: Teaser TuesdayTS Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-57837812481576678842010-07-27T21:57:34.000-05:002010-07-27T21:57:34.000-05:00Thanks, Nathan! Yeah, that's the reason it'...Thanks, Nathan! Yeah, that's the reason it's a WIP. HehTS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-2132961039881687542010-07-27T21:44:05.803-05:002010-07-27T21:44:05.803-05:00very dark. great opening scene. Challenge will b...very dark. great opening scene. Challenge will be to carry a story through where we all know the ending. Perhaps an M. Night Shyamalan vibe or something?Nathanhttp://www.nathanhenrion.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-47130567112897937442010-07-27T19:01:23.928-05:002010-07-27T19:01:23.928-05:00LOL, no, Ebony, he's really not. Thanks for th...LOL, no, Ebony, he's really not. Thanks for the input. I have problems w/ long sentences. Heh, it's a process!TS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-2687354861558299892010-07-27T18:56:24.848-05:002010-07-27T18:56:24.848-05:00You are really brave to post this. It felt viscera...You are really brave to post this. It felt visceral and real. Only suggestion - and I feel rude for even saying it - is perhaps shorten the sentences to give them more punch.<br /><br />It's a tense scene, so make it as tense as possible. Punchy short sentences - she's about to die after all. No time for elegant reflection at this point.<br /><br />Loved the twist that it was her dad, but obviously not a very caring and loving dad, is he?Ebony McKenna.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02724727996270658767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-37974326313554153042010-07-27T15:48:41.958-05:002010-07-27T15:48:41.958-05:00Thanks so much, Renee & Madison. I so appreci...Thanks so much, Renee & Madison. I so appreciate the input!TS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-71163028460104364622010-07-27T15:31:35.667-05:002010-07-27T15:31:35.667-05:00A very good start - interesting twist to put her d...A very good start - interesting twist to put her death at the beginning and work back from there. <br /><br />One typo: the only sound loud and constant enough to drowned out all others. (should be drown).<br /><br />I almost missed the fact that it was her father that killed her, so maybe a paragraph break to make that stand out a little more.<br /><br />Otherwise a great start to what sounds like a fascinating story :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-71709734639252300322010-07-27T15:21:14.487-05:002010-07-27T15:21:14.487-05:00I see a lot of potential here. With a little tweak...I see a lot of potential here. With a little tweaking this could be a very, very strong opening for a story (or novel). Glad to know that you plan on going back to it. Would be a shame to let something so good collect dust. :DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-62389127313748828292010-07-27T15:12:52.565-05:002010-07-27T15:12:52.565-05:00LOL, thanks Judy! You rock harder. :PLOL, thanks Judy! You rock harder. :PTS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-59709106161605629742010-07-27T13:21:51.404-05:002010-07-27T13:21:51.404-05:00This is very good, Tee. I look forward to reading ...This is very good, Tee. I look forward to reading this when it is no longer WIP! You ROCK, bint!Judy the Lovelyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03270517708052894977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-6086597006903213382010-07-27T11:58:18.897-05:002010-07-27T11:58:18.897-05:00Thanks, Heather...thanks Danielle!! Appreciate the...Thanks, Heather...thanks Danielle!! Appreciate the input.TS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-12757422346870768062010-07-27T11:45:07.115-05:002010-07-27T11:45:07.115-05:00I thought this was pretty fantastic. Great job. :)...I thought this was pretty fantastic. Great job. :)Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17243290876694519415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-65056963252733438242010-07-27T11:43:33.631-05:002010-07-27T11:43:33.631-05:00I agree, as an opening this is quite good and gets...I agree, as an opening this is quite good and gets me interested in the rest of the story. The first paragraph feels awkward to me, though and could use some revision. Keep up the good work, there's a lot of potential here!Heather Atkinsonhttp://www.readreviewer.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-21885316241850387062010-07-27T11:35:03.277-05:002010-07-27T11:35:03.277-05:00Yes, this was the opening. This WIP had the same p...Yes, this was the opening. This WIP had the same problem as many others...no dang middle. But I AM going back to this one, for certain, once I finish the current WIP. Oh and Phoebe, please let me know when you're ready to exchange for critiques. Just finished my short story.<br /><br />Glen, as always, you rock! :)<br /><br />Thanks to you both!!TS Tatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136046279949457221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-64152041772512467292010-07-27T11:28:16.763-05:002010-07-27T11:28:16.763-05:00Woah! Wait, this is the opening? This is really go...Woah! Wait, this is the opening? This is really good! Honestly. I hope to read more of thisGlen Akinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09647296775230237162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8054321507843915764.post-25594014280476822062010-07-27T11:18:07.835-05:002010-07-27T11:18:07.835-05:00Ooh, is this the opening? Very compelling.Ooh, is this the opening? Very compelling.Phoebe Northhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08922801801009495791noreply@blogger.com